Spiritual chemo

By the morning of my first chemo treatment, I had already decided that rather than reading a book or using some other distraction to kill time, I was going to do some visualization work. The focus would be on directing the chemo drugs to attack my cancer cells while rejecting their effects on my healthy cells.

As I laid back in the chair, I began by using a technique where I visualize my body catching fire with healing violet light starting with my toes and working its way up my body. The plan was to just envision and speak to the drugs about my intentions, but I was taken on another journey.

As soon as I had finished engulfing my self with the violet light, I was transported to a beautiful wide valley where I was running along side a horse. I began running even faster and began to pull ahead of the horse which glanced with shock at me and he began to run faster. This was not a competition, but that pure joyful abandon you had when you were a kid racing against your friends.

Soon we came to the edge of a cliff and I did not slow down. I ran and jumped right off the edge, arms and legs flailing, falling and falling, but there was no fear. I had no idea what was at the bottom, but after quite a considerable dissent, I splashed into a river. When I came up, I floated a little way and looked up to the bank on the left where I saw a wolf which is my great grandmother, then I looked off to the right where I saw an owl which is my grandmother. These images had been revealed to me in a previous vision I had a women's circle I attended about two months ago. My mother was just a little further down the river, stooped, attending to some kind of work in a basket. After seeing these women, my ancestors, I knew I was protected in this space.

After I passed them, I became fish-like and sped further down the river, until I leaped from the water, back in my own body, onto a boulder near the shore, then jumped to the edge. I stopped here and laid down, with my feet just in the water. During this entire time, I was still on fire, so the violet flame spread across the water where my feet came in contact with it about 5 feet out. The wind was gently blowing. All the elements were present. Earth, air, fire, water.

This was the place I actually ended up doing the visualization work I had intended. After finishing, I knew the chemo was not done, so I sat up and there was an old house across the river with a long inviting porch across the front. I knew this was not actually a house, but a resting place until the time came to cross back over.

I crossed the river, and took a seat in a rocking chair and waited. The whole time I was having this experience I was also cognizant of what was going on back on the other side. There was a gentleman receiving his chemo treatment in the room next to mine and I could overhear a conversation he was having on the phone. I was not trying to pay attention, but could not ignore him when I heard my own feelings of how being diagnosed with cancer was in fact a blessing being reflected back to me.

I also began to become very aware of the sensation in my hands. I had built up so much chi that they had become almost hot. I had an overwhelming desire to touch somebody and pass this energy on, but was unable to get up since I was attached to the IV. So I did the best thing I could and just lifted my right hand and focused the energy on the man next door. I tried to sense if there was anyone else close by that I could share this amazing energy with, but I was unable to pick anything up, so I laid my hand on my own breast.

Shortly after, I began to have the sense that it was time to go. So I got up and walked through the front door of the house and was back in the chair of the treatment room.

It is early on in my treatment and am aware that the effects of chemo generally get worse as time goes on, but as of right now, I am feeling no ill effects whatsoever. And since this is a take it one day at a time situation, I will happily take it.