So I had intended to blog much sooner than this, but I am trying to work some things out emotionally and spiritually. I am uncovering and discovering things about myself on a daily basis and I get excited to share, but then it goes to a deeper level the next day, then I'm like I have to write about that but then wham its goes off in a new direction.
I wish we could record our thoughts although the reality of that is also terrifying. When I have these revelations I want to write everything down, but I also realize that if I am busy writing then I am, not truly present in the actual experience. So I will just have to write when I am moved to and try to recapture the spirit of the journey and you my beloved readers will have to understand that it is just that, a journey, and what I think and feel today, may or may not be what I think and feel tomorrow. But, of course, this is true of us all if we are growing as human beings.
So, I keep saying that this disease is a blessing. Let me clarify that I am not saying cancer itself is a blessing. It sucks. And it sucks a lot worse for many people out there that are truly suffering with it. However, I personally feel that we manifest the dis-ease that we experience in our lives. No one sits around thinking, I want to have cancer. But most of the people I know would readily agree that when we are negative, worrisome, push down our emotions, etc. it makes us sick. We know this to be true. Stress sends many to the hospital. But when we begin suffering from our ailments, we start looking at what is wrong with our diets or life styles, and do not turn inward and ask what am I feeling or not feeling that has manifested itself into this suffering in order to get my attention?
So this is were I am at. I have always been a very healthy person. When I have had any serious problems that required the attention of a doctor, it was due to injury, not illness. So what have I been ignoring for so long that it had to manifest itself in this way to get my attention and what the hell am I going to do about it? This is not something that can be resolved in one blog post, so I invite you to explore with me. I welcome your comments and your insight even if I may not always agree with you, understanding that those I react most negatively against probably hold some truth. The key to being courageous is being vulnerable.
It has been said that disease and ailment is the result of emotional wounds, and cancer is the result of long term resentment. You can even go so far as to associate specific types of ailments are areas of the body that are suffering to specific types of emotional suffering. This is backed up by years of ancient spiritual practices. Acupuncture pinpoints (pun intended) specific energy blockages and treats them by their associated areas of the body. The chakras are all associated with particular body parts and systems.
So let's start with some previous physical problems I have had.
Knee problems - I actually had a tumorous growth and plaque buildup in my left knee and still have some very minor issues with the right. I haven't actually found out what the emotional association for this is yet, so if anyone has any insight please feel free to share.
Gluten intolerance - the intestines are governed by the sacral chakra which govern sexuality, sense of abundance, well-being, pleasure, and the ability to feel creative. Its color is orange, a color I have been very drawn to over the last several years along with green.
Stomach - hiatal hernia and gerd - solar plexus chakra - self worth, self confidence, self esteem, ability to be confident and in control of our lives. Its color is yellow which I avoid, especially in clothing saying I look terrible in it.
Breast cancer - heart chakra - love, joy, inner peace, ability to love, quality of love. Color green.
Throat, I've had issues since my neck surgery with hoarseness, but have also had an ongoing problem with always feeling like I need to clear my throat - throat chakra - self expression, truth, holding secrets, ability to communicate and express oneself. Color is blue which I have found myself very drawn to over the last several months.
So I will leave this for the moment so I can go home and eat, but will be back to get into more detail about each of these.
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
So I just got back home from my fourth round of chemo, which flew by because I ended up getting texts from two very special friends which kept me occupied and entertained. On the ride home I felt very relaxed but not sleepy. Now that I am home I feel jacked up like I had too much coffee but without the shakes. So far anyway. We will see if I can focus this energy on something productive. Will I end up crashing or not being able to sleep tonight? Heehee. So much to look forward too.
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
This is way overdue but it is all good news. A couple weeks back I got the results of my scans and bloodwork. The tumor and lesions are all shrinking and my bloodwork is looking really good.
I am having very little side effects from the chemo. I actually feel really good. There are some minor issues such as having a metallic taste in my mouth after the chemo, which is probably the worst thing because food taste weird and water taste really bad. It does not stop me from eating and drinking however. In fact, I have gained about 10 pounds, which is most of the weight I lost at the beginning of all this.
I also have a bit of chemo brain. I tend to forget little things. I forget who I had conversations with sometimes after talking to several people in a row even though I remember the conversation. At least for the most part. I go to the store and forget what I needed. Mostly, I go blank for a word or name when I am talking. So pretty much the same thing everybody does on occasion, just more often.
My energy level is good and I am back to pretty much living life as normal. I do make myself rest as I understand that just because I feel well I am still fighting off this disease.
I have been doing a lot of spiritual work which I will write about in my next post.
I have done 3 rounds of chemo and the doctor has scheduled me for 3 more since I am responding so well. My next treatment is next Tuesday and hopefully I will continue having positive results. All of your good thoughts and energy must be working so keep up the good work.